Rumors R' Us

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.  She was  a good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. 

Two cowboys applied for the job.  One was gay and the other a drunk.  she thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. 

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and he knew a lot about ranching.  For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. 

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.  You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.  One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.  Two o’clock and no hired hand. 

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.  She quietly called him over to her.  “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.  Trembling, he did as she directed. 

 ”Now take off my boots.”  He did as she asked, ever so slowly.  “Now take off my socks.”  He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 

“Now take off my skirt.”  He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.  “Now take off my bra.”  Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. 

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

David Beckham is freaking HOT HOT HOT!  He could take me out for cocktails….  I’d tell  him he could keep the tails!

Click on pic to see FULL SIZE!

You'll save this much buddy! No more!

Don’t  you agree that it is every one’s job to help save the environment?  People are carpooling to help cut down on smog causing emissions. Some people are doing their part by using pump sprayers instead of aerosols that deplete the ozone layer.  Now, even the “Ladies of the Evening” are doing their part to help save the environment.

 A legal brothel in Berlin, Maison d’envie, is offering an “environmental discount” of 5 euros for customers who arrive by bike or can prove they used public transportation to get there.  I wonder if they get an extra BIG discount if they carpool?

That’s around $7, or half the price of tongue kissing at the brothel (yes, you have to pay extra for that). Rates at the brothel normally start at 30 euros for 15 minutes of sex, or about 14 minutes long than it takes any of the men I’ve known.

The brothel owners say they’re in walking distance of stations on both of Berlin’s major commuter rail lines, as well as a well-maintained bicycle path.  Location, Location, Location….

Brothel owner Thomas Goetz said the new promotion has put some bang back into his business. He told Reuters that up to 5 customers a day are taking advantage of the discount.  I hope they don’t blowall of their savings at one time!

Weird News Central also reports that numerous Berlin housewives are wondering why so many of their husbands have suddenly taken up bicycling.

These are hard times for many people, but now you can do your part to save the environment while just laying there.

An elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, and what memories they were…  Only the DVD included seven seconds of her having sex on a couch.  Which is about how long it takes when I have sex.

School District Officials asked families of the teacher’s 25 students to get rid of the DVD after the clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.  I’m sure the stories they have now are much more interesting.

“Just destroy them,” said the spokesperson.

The teacher, whose name isn’t being released, sent the DVD home with her students from on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her and said WTF?. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD.

The school district, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.