Two families moved from Afghanistan to America.
When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet.
In a year’s time, whichever family had become more Americanized would win.
The standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like ? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder ‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses’ asses.) Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.
The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass. And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important? Ancient horse’s asses control almost everything… and
CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else.
|
**My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping
channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’***
**I said, ‘Dust.’**
**And then the fight started…** *
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!! He
stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started….. *
************ ********* ********* ********* *** *
*
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some
place expensive… so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.’
And then the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn’t been sober since..’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my
order first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started…*
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
*
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was
not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.’
The husband replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started….. *
************ ********* ********* ********* **** *
Bubba Had
Shingles
Those of us
who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this!
Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices
like an assembly line? Here’s what happened to
Bubba:
Bubba walked
into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Bubba said: “Shingles.” So she wrote down his name, address, medical
insurance number and told him to have a
seat.
Fifteen
minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he
had.
Bubba said,
“Shingles.” So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical
histor y and told Bubba to wait in the examining
room.
A half hour
later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,
“Shingles.” So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure
test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and
wait for the doctor.
An hour later
the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked
Bubba what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” The doctor asked,
“Where?”
Bubba said,
“Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload
‘em??”
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 m.p.h…, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused. Then said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper.. I thought you were bringing her back…”
“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper
Categories
Tag Cloud
abortion AMERICA Angelina Jolie AWSOME baby black Britians Got Talent cat Celebrity Gossip Dick Cheney DOG Drugs enhanced interrogation Funny gay Harry Potter Henry Gates Humor husband interrogation JOKE Jon & Kate Jon & Kate Plus 8 Jon's affair Jon Gosselin Kate's affair Kate Gosselin kevin kids muslim Naudia Sulaiman Octomom pledge Racial racism racist Robert Pattinson Sarah Palin School sex Sexy torture Vampire Weird Sex wifeArchives
-
Randomize Me!- FREE Kindle eBook Download – Edge of Apocalypse by Tim LaHaye and Craig Parshall September 7, 2010
- FREE AudioBook Download – ‘Matter’ by Iain M. Banks September 6, 2010
- Two FREE Christian-themed Kindle eBooks for Download! September 6, 2010
- Adam Lambert’s GlamNation Tour Stop#60 – Peoria Civic Center Theater (Peoria, IL) September 6, 2010
- FREE AudioBook Download – ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ by Stieg Larsson September 5, 2010
- Read Online Full – ‘The Wee Free Men’ By Terry Pratchett September 5, 2010
- For Debbie Macomber’s Fans! Sale Alert for her ‘Cedar Cove Series’ etc September 5, 2010
- BestBuy Promo – FREE $25 B&N Gift Card When You Buy a Nook (Now Also for Sony) September 5, 2010
- Adam Lambert’s GlamNation Tour Stop#59 – On The Waterfront (Rockford, IL) September 5, 2010
- FREE eBook Download – ‘Sheltering Hearts’ by Robyn Carr September 4, 2010
