Rumors R' Us

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……

 

 

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary…

 

Day 983 of my captivity…

 

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed

hash or some sort of dry nuggets. 

 

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I

nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

 

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt

to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

 

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their

feet. I had hoped t

his would strike fear into their hearts, since it

clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

 

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was

placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,

I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my

confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this

means and how to use it to my advantage.

 

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try

this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

 

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and

seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

 

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with

the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My

captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

so he is safe. For now ..

 

Here is one for all of  you pet lovers! 

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Pennsylvania police says that Paul Wood, age 25, chucked the family cat at his wife during an argument…  I guess they  could have reported  that Wood chucked the pussy at his old lady! Lol

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The woman and the pet were not injured, but Wood now faces criminal mischief and cruelty to animal charges.

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Wood wasarraigned on Jan. 16, 2009, and released on his own recognizance. His wife was issued an order of protection.

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